It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
