i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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