I puked a lego.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Randomize
