ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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