My boss' voice literally gives me gas
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
