it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
