There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
