I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
