exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
