jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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