they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
