$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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