is your mom at the bar?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
