final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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