I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
