I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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