Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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