The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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