I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Help. Why am I so naked?
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