hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Couch. On fire.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
