my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
