3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
