Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
