Cold hands, warm shart.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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