he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
