I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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