You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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