I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
