how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
