i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
