somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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