i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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