My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
