If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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