She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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