i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
