Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
