I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
