We named our party play list daddy issues
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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