Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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