Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
