I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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