They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
