Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
