but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
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You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
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I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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