Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize