Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
