i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight