Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
