I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
