If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
