You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
