I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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