this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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