i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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