Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
