Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
