i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
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After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
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You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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