Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Alive.
So much puke
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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