I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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