Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
