i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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