Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
