My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
tell me about the eggs
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize