thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
