Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
