haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Betty ford says i'm here all night
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
