There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
