Duck Duck Cougar?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Randomize
