Apparently you make a good broom.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
