see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
