So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so that wasnt chicken after all
well I can't set my house on fire every night
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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