bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
